After being banded for amost 4 years now, I came to the conclusion that it’s finally time to say goodbye to the “Big Girl Inside”. What’s the “Big Girl Inside”? Everyone who has ever struggled with weight has one. Either  Big Girl or  Big Boy.

Now granted, that “Big Girl Inside” is that voice that keeps me humble. It’s the voice that reminds me that I need to take care of my body. That I need to laugh more, dance more and slow down and appreciate my body and it’s changes, every step of the way.

However, The Big Girl Inside can also work against me. It is the voice that sometimes whispers bad things in my ear and tells me that I’m not good enough, not slim enough, not pretty enough.  That Big Girl inside compares me to others and often sees me much differently than others see me.

A year after my procedure with Slimband, I found myself walking into a clothing store and heading straight for the plus size section. The lady currently working on the floor approached me with an akward smile as I piled clothes over one arm and headed to the change room. “Excuse me Miss, did you realize you were in the plus size section”..I looked at her like she had two heads. Of course I did. I had been shopping in this section practically my whole life. That was the first day I realized that I needed to say goodbye to “The Big Girl Inside”. With a weightloss of over 50 pounds at that point, I decided not only was it time to let her go, but it was also time to let go of the idea that I was living in a body that just didn’t exsist anymore.

So that night, it went. The clothes, the bad self talk, the attitude. . I am walking a lot taller, making more eye contact, smiling confidently at those that smile at me,but, there will always be the good part of the “Big Girl Inside” that will keep me who I am today.

And does she sometimes come back to visit me? Sure! Every time I walk past a plus size store I remind myself to keep walking.

Rachael.